Its Monday and I am currently on a plane over the Pacific Ocean. Rian and I have been on Oahu for the past month with Ash. Ash is still there finishing up the remodel on our rental and working on his current movie. Its been so long since I have written that I cannot remember where I left off, but no matter, I am experiencing a compulsion to write about the here and now.
The word that keeps hammering away in my mind, behind the quiet times that I try to create, incessantly knocking, persistently thought provoking……..”alone” Alone??? What does our good old Websters dictionary say about “alone”? The absence of another? Solitary? Isolated? This word often provokes feelings of sadness. It often is referred to in a derogatory manner or something that is unpleasant, something that is to be feared and avoided. “I don’t want to go “alone”, we hear at times as an excuse to not go somewhere or “you left me “alone”, when someones absence hurts you. How about this one, “you like being “alone”???, we say to someone in shock, as if it is a bad thing. “I feel so “alone”, yet another phrase we hear. Maybe from a spouse who is not getting the attention they desire, or a person struggling with depression, or maybe a student who hasn’t met that special friend at school yet. “Alone-ness” can be scary and lonely, it can rob you of your joy and your security. BUT…… hahah there it is…..but, do we have a correct understanding of “alone” and is it really a bad thing?
When Josh died I felt so alone. Years later when Ash left me I felt so alone. However it was during those times of “alone-ness” that I discovered who I was and that I was, in fact, NEVER alone. Those moments of deafening quiet, moments of solitude and loneliness became beautiful moments of desperation and crying out for something more. You see I found that though I was afraid to be “alone” it was only when I was physically “alone” that I became aware of a super natural togetherness.
Our creator planted a seed of desire in our inner most being to search for truth, to search for HIm. This is a super natural desire that was planed into our innermost core by God . We have to ‘actively’ squelch that desire, its that strong. We do this in many many ways. We squelch the desire to search for truth by filling the need with sexual partners, alcohol, drugs, music. We surround our selves with people, parties, money, stuff. Anything to keep us busy and active living a “loud” life. Sometimes we even search in all the wrong places, beliefs that are not founded in truth because that seed of desire for truth that the Creator of the Universe planted in our inner most being is so strong. Quiet inactivity becomes scarce, being “alone” becomes something to avoid. Staying busy becomes the norm. Filling our lives up with noise and stuff!, just to avoid feeling “alone”.
I ask you though my friends……..how many of you live a full, busy, loud life, surrounded by friends and people and still feel “alone”?
Lets do something together……the next time we have a moment to be alone, take it! The next time you feel alone, FEEL it, sit in it, experience being “alone”, and question the reality of your “alone-ness”. I think that you will be surprised when you get there.
Did you know that on the day you were born God appointed angels to watch over you? You!!! Your angels are specific to You!!! Doesn’t that blow your mind? God promises to NEVER leave us nor forsake us. We are NEVER alone, we have just misinterpreted the meaning of “alone”. In reality, “alone” for us, cannot exist because we have a super natural protector and father with us ALWAYS! Lets stop looking at “alone” as a bad thing, lets stop using it as a derogatory word and revel in our quiet times without people or noise around so that we can be with our Creator God! He talks to us when we are “alone” with Him!
Very thought provoking.