July 23, 2018
Good Morning, did anyone other than myself have a horrible weekend? A weekend full of unmet expectations and disappointments? I would love to be able to allow everyone to think that I have this life figured out, that because of everything that I have experienced I now have “arrived”. I wish that the lessons that I have been through would have come to fruition and that my end grade was A+++, marked “lesson complete, no need to repeat lesson”. I wish that I could say my husband and I don’t argue, or that I never get discouraged or frustrated. I wish that I could say, I was always capable of “rising above”, “seeing the good”, “capturing joy in the midst of sadness”……… but life is hard, reality is brutal, human nature is weak, and we must muddle through. We find ourselves within the same dang lesson that we thought we already had mastered, only to realize that, “we are failing this class”.
I was unable to sleep last night, and, as you all have probably figured out, I am a writer. I process my thoughts and feelings through pen and paper, Over the course of my 44 years of life I have acquired 28 journals. I began writing in 6th grade Honors English….a journal was mandatory, part of our final grade……… I have kept them all. So when I can’t sleep, I write. Last night I wrote some “Midnight Musings”. Thoughts I had to encourage myself, strengthen my marriage, articulate my feelings, improve on the next day, week, month, etc….. This is what I wrote……….
I think we need to “simplify” our life, pair down…….quit striving
Be more patient with Rian….
Relax, everyday
Don’t stress about Rians school, he is smart and he is learning
Have more fun
Everything does NOT always have to be so clean!
Cook more
Clean less
Make lunch for Rian everyday at home!
Learn to be still
Its OK when things are not perfect…..
Can any of you relate to any of this? I believe that we can allow ourselves to become so “busy” in the “busy work” of life that we are missing out on things that really matter. Why are we always “striving”? Striving to finish that project, or remodel our kitchen, or buy a newer car…….whatever “it” is I think we need to take a moment to ask ourselves, “when I am gone, will “this” matter? Perhaps a little perspective……
Be more patient…….. this is a tough one for me. I have high expectations. Especially with my children. I want Rian to be a gentleman, smart and articulate, able to communicate well and be “others” minded. I want him to “want” to learn and be excited about school…….HAHAHAHAHA I mean really…..how many of you know 11-year-old boys who “just can’t wait to start school today!”. I know this to be an unrealistic expectation and still I “expect” it. When Rian gives me “guff”, about anything, not just school, but cleaning his room or wanting to “play” on the iPad, not wanting to go to swimming, taking out the trash….etc, you name it…… I get impatient and unyielding, short fused and hard. How can I expect Rian to be gentle, and kind, articulate and well spoken, when I , the greatest influence (other than his dad) in his life can not exemplify the behavior?
Relax??? Everyday??? Talk about some unrealistic expectations on myself!!! I don’t relax…….ever!! I have been described as INTENSE more times than I can recall. I worry about worrying!!! hahah When I get home from church, or vacation I cannot sit down until I get my hands on everything! I have to water the garden, check the horse, mow the yard, sweep the house, clean the kitchen…even if my daughter has it clean……BEFORE I sit down. I don’t do, “relax”….and yet I recognize it is something I MUST learn how to do. I must make it a priority to learn the lesson of “letting go” and relaxing. ( I don’t know about everyday……baby steps;) hahaha)
I suppose “have more fun” and “relax” kind of go hand in hand. You can’t have fun with your family, sitting around the living room, if your left eye is twitching because there are fingerprints on the handle of the refrigerator that you cannot stop staring at because everything in you wants to get up and wipe them off. You can’t have fun playing catch in your back yard with your kids if you’re hyperventilating over the grass being an uneven length in places. Oh geeeez so much to work on……so many lessons to still learn. It’s no wonder that at times we can get a little overwhelmed and frustrated.
“Everything does NOT always have to be so clean……..Yes is does
“Cook more”……. “clean less” YIKES!!!! My heart is beginning to race…….
“LEARN TO BE STILL” Am I trying to kill myself???
“Its OK when things are not perfect”……… OK this is just too much!! These are not my words……..are they???
BOOOM!!!! And just like that I realize, nope, those are not my words, those are the midnight musings of a frustrated daughter of God the Father, who is obediently writing the gentle quiet words of a loving Father whispered into her spirit.
You see, my beautiful friends…… we never “arrive”. We never reach perfection in our life time, we never possess complete understanding and wisdom, we never become the perfect wife, mother, friend, sister, etc. But we have a promise of something amazing to come……
“For I am confident in this, that He who began a good work in you will continue to perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus” Philippians 1:6
So face the day with renewed determination. Know that you are never alone nor have you ever been abandoned by God the Father!!! Say to yourself, “I will choose ,to again, go through the trial to learn the lesson, I will maintain an open heart and joyful spirit amidst the frustration, I will extend grace and tolerance to those around me that are trying to get through their own personal trials, and I will determine to learn this lesson swiftly with a spirit willing to learn, grow, and change….
Oh my friends we need each other, we need to encourage one another and lift each other up. We need to know that we are not amidst a trial alone. Life is hard and NO ONE is without pain or frustration. As we communicate honestly with one another about real life issues, we become stronger and confident in the knowledge that we are not the only one struggling. A wise man once said…….”Don’t judge a book by its cover”!!! Astounding right!!! You know that one person (we all have one) who is always shiny and smily and stupidly happy all the time, maybe she/he is struggling too.
Let’s reach out more, encourage more, criticize less, love the process, take time to breathe, grab a friend and a great cup of coffee and RELAX!!
I love your feedback and all your comments. I will try to respond to each one if I can……..lets talk;)
I connect with your story in so many ways. Thank you for being so real💜
Thank you for saying that and taking the time to comment it’s encouraging. I am often hesitant about putting all this “out there”.