How did I get here? Not geographically, in the spare room of my best friend’s house, thousands of miles away from my home. Perched on the side of a twin-sized bed with a suitcase full of randomly thrown together clothes that aren’t even appropriate for the current season. I drop my head pulling my shoulders into a slump fighting back to urge to cry out and hurl my suitcase at the wall, which is the better option to crying until my eyes are bloodshot and swollen. I can’t allow my son to see me like that again. Ugh, my son, my beautiful, soft-hearted, confused son. He was so good to me on the plane, reaching out and just holding my hand as my body shook from broken emotion. This is not his job, to hold his mom together, to comfort her, to tell her it will be ok. I won’t be ok, nothing will be ok anymore, but I can’t tell him this, I can’t be honest with him about the reality of what has just happened. I look over at him, he has his headphones in watching a movie. He gives me a little half-smile when he notices me watching him and mouths “are you ok mom?” My heart squeezes so painfully that I have to keep from curling my body around it. I nod my head. But I am lying, I am not ok, I don’t know if I will ever be again. I believed in something that wasn’t believable, I trusted someone who wasn’t trustworthy, I relied on things that were unreliable and now I was free-falling. Falling away from everything that I thought would always be…… my family, my home, my security, my partner…….Super-man has fallen and is taking us all down with him.
When Superman Falls
How did I get here? Not geographically, in the spare room of my best friend’s house, thousands of miles away from my home. Perched on the side of a twin-sized bed with a suitcase full of randomly thrown together clothes that aren’t even appropriate for the current season. I drop my head pulling my shoulders into a slump fighting back to urge to cry out and hurl my suitcase at the wall, which is the better option to crying until my eyes are bloodshot and swollen. I can’t allow my son to see me like that again. Ugh, my son, my beautiful, soft-hearted, confused son. He was so good to me on the plane, reaching out and just holding my hand as my body shook from broken emotion. This is not his job, to hold his mom together, to comfort her, to tell her it will be ok. I won’t be ok, nothing will be ok anymore, but I can’t tell him this, I can’t be honest with him about the reality of what has just happened. I look over at him, he has his headphones in watching a movie. He gives me a little half-smile when he notices me watching him and mouths “are you ok mom?” My heart squeezes so painfully that I have to keep from curling my body around it. I nod my head. But I am lying, I am not ok, I don’t know if I will ever be again. I believed in something that wasn’t believable, I trusted someone who wasn’t trustworthy, I relied on things that were unreliable and now I was free-falling. Falling away from everything that I thought would always be…… my family, my home, my security, my partner…….Super-man has fallen and is taking us all down with him.
Ivy – I am so sorry- obviously don’t have the details here but it sounds very very sad. I love you- here for you if you want to talk.
I love you, Ivy! I appreciate your continued integrity in your writing, even though I wish you weren’t going through this season of anguish. Your testimony is a powerful one, all this is not for nothing. You’re a princess of THEE King, Ivy! You are His Beloved!
Thank you so much Robyn, I am trying……
Hello Ivy. Just read this. I am here for you and I love you. I am praying for something beautiful to take over – even if I dont know how exactly to pray that in words. you can call me, write me, show up, or just know that you can even if you cant right now.
Thank you so much Susanna, I was actually thinking that a trip over to see you guys might be just the thing I need.