The next blog, #15 Is a tough one to write about and a tough one to read. In no way am I trying to tear the character of Josh down. Josh was an amazing person, just young, and tortured. Josh wanted to do the right thing, Josh wanted to be the man that I wanted, but my expectations were just unattainable for one so young. I was so self-righteous and proud, I was idealistic and critical. I used my faith and my morals as weapons to knock down and discourage, instead of extending grace and understanding. I was so young and lacking so many tools and so much wisdom. I just wanted to live this fairly tale life, happy with our little family, never fighting, never struggling, rainbows and unicorns was what I wanted……….A psychologist once said to me, “Watching the two of you Ivy, was like watching two freight train engines steam toward each other with no escape route.” Josh, headstrong and determined, destructive and angry. Me, self righteous and proud, arrogant and desperate for him to fight for me. Josh gave up trying to live up to the standard that I had set for him, Josh gave up trying to be someone that he didn’t have the wisdom or maturity yet to be……..Josh just gave up.